Breaking News: Hillary Campaign Memo Leaked

Memo

To: Campaign Staff

From: HRC [Hillary Rodham Clinton]

Re: Rules For Campaign Conduct

Date: April 21, 2008



_______________________________________________


1. Here is how to get fired from the campaign:

a. Have any of these words or images on your screensaver:
i. pushy
ii. cold
iii. back-stabbing
iv. self-centered
v. Michelle
vi. Bosnia
vii. "I'm voting for Monica Lewinsky's boyfriend's wife."
viii. "Girl interns answer the phone at 3:00 a.m., stupid."
ix. puppies
x. kittens
xi. the poor financial condition of this campaign
xii. my ankles
xiii. blue dresses


b. Make jokes that include the word "front-runner."


2. Contacts With The Press

a. The Race Card

It is not playing the race card to say that Senator Obama is a black man. Senator Obama is a black man. As a black man, Senator Obama is associated with every bad thing ever done by a black man or woman in human history. That's the way that those people -- those black people like Senator Obama -- think.

After looking at my options, my surprise constituency is now white, blue-collar males. Naturally, after supporting NAFTA so intensely for so long, I've done what I could do to damage white, blue-collar males. The average white, blue-collar male is too stupid to notice. Don't use the word "white trash" about my base -- reserve it for the kind of female that would sleep with Bill. Bill, incidentally, has agreed to keep it zipped until the primary is over. At first, he thought that this rule exluded black chicks near his Harlem office. I told him that black women are human, too, except for Michelle Obama, whom I hate, because she would be a very popular first lady, which I never was. 'Former First Lady' is the high point of my resume, except for napping with McCain one afternoon on his couch, but that was an asexual accident -- in a good way.

Also, white, blue-collar males -- "the base" -- won't support a black man -- and Senator Obama is a black man -- if the base is reminded as often as possible that I am a white woman, and the "insurgent" (good word to use with the press -- think Sunni!) is a black man.

The insurgent is a black man.

In summary, do not play the race card, because that would be wrong; simply tell the truth over and over and, at most, use code words (like Farakhan and the Black Panthers).

And it is simply the truth, that if there was a deck of cards with the insurgent's face on each card, there would be 52 black faces. Because he's a black man.

b. White Power

Avoid using the term "white power" because it sounds like my base is made up of white people motivated by race because of my campaign tactics. Say the word "traditional" instead.

c. Responding To "Republican Lite" Comments

Senator McCain and I have many, many differences about how the government of this country should act. While it is true that I have chosen not to make any of those differences public, there are sincere differences. For example, he naps much more than I do (and I should know: see paragraph 2(a)). Also, Senator McCain likes Blue Diamond Almonds and I don't.

3. Summary

The insurgent is a black man.